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T-minus Band
received this message recently. It was from a fellow GarageBand.com
user. The way garageband is set up, one must review songs in order
to upload music. I gave a song a bad review and Carol, a member
of the band wrote this in response.
Received: 4/2/03
08:36 PM 
Well,
sonny boy, you've got a lot of nerve criticizing the song-writing
here, because what we've got here is a classic case of "the
pot calling the kettle black" ---especially when the stuff
churned out by your band is some of the lamest retread shit I've
heard in a long time. Altho, ok... I'll give you this much: The
Outrider is at least catchy, but it's a shameless Beatles rip-off.
Talk about kindergarten simplicity. The drumming sounds like something
you could crank out of a drum machine or a metronome for that matter
--- it's THAT simplistic and uninspired. The lead vox is weak, watery,
and expressionless ---altho it's at least pitch and timing precise.
And while I have to concede that the band's performance is at least
neat and tidy, the buck stops there. What the band probably thinks
is "spacey" in 2084 is just plain smudgy. Geez, if you
dudes are trying to be Floydian...forget it. You couldn't shine
those guys' shoes from the next galaxy. And you know what else?
In your current configuration, your band is going to go nowhere,
musically. Not NOW. Not EVER. So make sure you and the crew get
some good education under your belts... and don't give up your day
jobs, ok? Yeah, go ahead...sue me if my prediction is wrong. So,
in light of all that, the least you could do is be a little more
gracious about how you critique others. While you're busy getting
an education, try enrolling in "Diplomacy 101". You sure
as hell could use it. And in case you think I should take my own
advice....go check my reviews. I'm pretty diplomatic THERE. But
not to YOU, sonny boy. Because you just don't fucking deserve it.
Ciao sweetheart.
-Carol
Sometimes bad
reviews are the most amusing. Below are some examples. If you
really want to see the good reviews
click here.
From the
song "2084"
booooo
not very good. it's not bad. don't get me wrong. just like, when
you wrote this, did it ever occur to you that music like this is
completely boring? this is adult contemporary at it's worst. what
motivates you to play music? like, were you like: HEY, I KNOW! LET'S
BE THE MOST BORING BAND EVER??? I don't get why people play music
like this.
simplicity
carried to idiotic extremes
finally something that doesn't suck! i think you sound like U2,
kinda. I don't know if you want to hear that or not. i like the
beginning part. production and lyrics are good. i think that you
need to get catchier hooks. something needs to stand out more. and
the climb/instrumental thing is pretty lame because there isn't
really a melody going on there. it's just some noise and not even
cool noise. overall though don't feel bad cause you don't suck.
Cool to do
your thing but it ain't nothing special
I hate to be harsh but this stuff just isn't popular and for a reason
to. This kinda music is maybe more soundtrack material than anything.
You guys can play, no doubt but it just isn't that cool of a type
of music. Try something different cause the singer is pretty good
and the guitarist(s) seems good.
Extra Credit:
Male Vocals, Production
middle of
the road
you sound like no one i know--that's often a good thing. the noise
at the end is more interesting than the voice. the singer seems
comfortable with his voice and this vocal line, i just don't get
into it a lot. the line about "destiny" sounds cheesy.
decent middle of the road song
pedro the
lion
you sound a lot like pedro the lion but you should work on your
songwriting
Extra Credit:
Guitars, Lyrics
Cool instrumental
blend, bland vocals.
Answer your first question--the instrumentation and beats sound
a bit like radiohead. In fact, the vocals fit in with that as well.
The vocals are a little more sincere/less ironic than radiohead,
but still a similar tone. The vocals are not strong. They occasionally
express an interesting sentiment, but on the whole I think the vocalist
needs more power/range to be able to keep up with the expressions
of the instruments.
From the
song "The Outsider"
See Colors,
Smell Sounds (LSD Tripper)
I like the Sgt. Peppers background-crowd intro, which segues seamlessly
into a total Michael Nesmith/Monkees type pop song ("What band
are you in?"). Vocals sung with a fake English accent makes
tadpoles squirm in my abdomen. I like this honky-tonk bubblegum
pop song, very Happy 1967. I see go-go boots and white lipstick;
LSD makes my brain smell colors, see sounds, and feel sights. I
certainly smell *something* here (oops, my bag just broke). This
song is very The Squires of the Subterrain, only a better, less
lo-fi production. Very Peter Sellers or that other guy who looks
vaguely like him. Nice fake guitar solo, Barry. The Guru says "Crumple
the jasmine blossoms and throw them with all your might against
the brick wall; this is the meaning of aggression." I just
Kung Fu'd all over myself, smell of creamed corn and brown rice
fills my psychedelic nostrils with pink-n-amber swirly-smoke.
Extra Credit:
Mood
this is.....
d o r k y
Shameless
Ok guys, is this the Beatles? Sir George would not appreciate you
taking every Beatle lick, and boiling it down into one generic tune.
Who do you sound like??? My dog, with very bad indigestion. Are
you, and is this serious???, this job was taken. In the 60s'...
Sorry...Paul & Kathy, yeh yeh yeh.
the third generation of The Dead
I'm not a big fan of the dead (not that I don't appreciate musicians
who can seriously jam, give me a healthy dose of trane, parker,
or gillespie any day). And this song just plods along, kinda like
them. It's well played (although I would have liked some more from
the guitar solo), some really nice stuff going on in the harmonies
on bridges, but nothing to really capture me.
Beatles........
Wow, two 60's songs in a row. Well, at least this is better than
the last one. Unfortunately, you sound too much like the Beatles/Beck,
of course not anywhere near as good. I can appreciate someone that
pays homage to their influences-like Beck, but this goes a bit too
far. I would try to go for a more original sound. Like Lenny Kravitz,
he pays homage to the Beatles, but doesn't sound exactly like them.
If, however; you are really trying purposly to sound like the Beatles,
you have have touched somewhat on their sound, but have nowhere
near the writing skills.
Upbeat with
toe tapping potential
This little gem had a swinging sixties vibe about it. I thought
that maybe the lead singer was wearing zip up boots and a frilly
blouse. Besides that though, I really wasn't captivated or interested
in hearing any more then the first 30 seconds. I think that the
vocal could have been delivered with a bit more force.
Extra Credit:
Mood
From the
song "Mr. Big Boy"
aloha
i feel like singing. happy sun rays... la la la... you sound like
my mom.
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